Merry christmas?

OK, this is the first post ever written while drunk. By me anyway, i don't know about anyone else, but my keyboard tends to look a bit like brain surgery after i've had a couple of drinks. I cannot understand how some authors drink wine while they write, i can't press the right keys after one drink... I has to be a myth.

Maybe before the time of computers, when you had to write on a pieces of paper, parchment or walls. With blood. (i saw it on a film once, so it must be true).
I find it easier to write on paper when drunk, but i don't know why. Must be something with the eye/hand coordination.

A very drunk woman just licked my friends foot, apparently she spilled wine on it. I really don't want to know. I'm just sitting here in my chair, trying not to think. It's harder then it sounds. You cannot NOT think, because you just end up thinking very hard about not thinking.

I am wearing odd socks.


Ah, i really hould be get going to bed and that soon, but i just can't be bothered. And i am waiting for my brother to Skype me from Norway, i haven't spoken with him for a while now, and i actually miss him. And my sister(s). That must be the onlt good thing about going back to Norway, i get to see my family. I really love them (had to say it, i'm drunk you know).

I don't really have anyhting else to say except for that i have grown quite fond of the cobwebs in my room, so i am not going to clean it.
Someone else is taking it over soon anyway, a... Latvian girl? I can't remember, but she sounded nice on the phone.


I can't really decide if i like mince pies or not.


Anyway, HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! (or, happy christmas people that i like, people that i don't like... bugger off).

Chocolate angst.

I am trying to watch Love Actually, but the adverts keeps on interrupting it. It is really very annoying as it is one of my favorite films. There is just something about it that makes me think that everything will be alright in the end. In life that is, not in the film. That goes without saying.

And it has Colin Firth in it.

It is that time of the year again, time to start thinking about my weight, my hair, my skin... The whole package you know. There is never a pattern, but the urge comes at least twice a year, the 'i really need to reinvent myself to be happy' thing, i'm sure you've had it yourself, don't deny it.

And i have a feeling that if i didn't get this urge i would almost certainly have been a unattractive person with a lot of too small clothes and a pile of sensible underthings. And i would definitely have been one of those round people.

So i am on a diet. Again. It is utterly boring, especially considering the festive eating mayhem that Christmas is. But i shall be a good girl so i can be skinny and fit into all my nice dresses soon.

Oh, and skinny people don't sweat so much. I therefore think it is very clever of me to lose weight before going to Africa. Africa is supposed to be quite hot, or so i've heard.

I wonder if they have nice yogurt there, i love a good yogurt.


Yesterday night i couldn't sleep, so i read through some old notebooks, six years old they are. I was a funny little fucker when i was fifteen! I actually found the predraft to the first-first draft to my book, back when it was more of an idea then an actual story. Some good stuff, some bad and some of it just stuff i will, at some point, bring out into the woods during a vaning moon on a Thursday night and burn.

And now back to watching the film, hoping that, somewhere out there...

Rockin' the suburbs.

Bad blogger, bad, BAD blogger. I should be ashamed of myself, but I'm not. i have been awfully busy lately, what with that whole Yule thing (see, i used the right name like a good Pagan girl). All the gifts, all the decorations.. Our living room looks like a magpies wet dream.

I will try to blog more often, i promise, but i have so many other things i need to work on. Like my hair. Or not. But I've sort of started writing my next book now because my first book is sort of finished except for the one chapter i have yet to write.

I hate that chapter.

I tried to read Gregory Maguires 'Wicked', but i don't think i like his writing style, it's just too elaborate for me right now. I need something easy to read now, like a cereal box or something, my attention span is getting worse.

A couple of my readers (why yes, you do belong to me) have already heard about the dancing Christmas tree incident, but I'll write it down anyway since it's the only exciting thing that has happened to me in weeks now.

I was attacked by a battery operated, dancing Christmas tree the other day. It fell down on my legs while it screamed 'i pine for you!' Something it's never said before. It still freaks me out, and the way it's eyes keeps following me around wherever i go... Brrr.

Oh, it's early and I'm not really awake yet, so this isn't the most entertaining post I've written, but i just thought I'd let you know that I'm still alive.

Still rockin' the suburbs (great song BTW).

My head in the clouds, the clouds in my head.

I have to take the yellow fever vaccine. I do not do vaccinations, at least not very well. I tend to faint, but not until a couple of minutes after, so that's twice in the hallway and once in front of the secretary's desk in the doctors office.

And that was just blood samples.

This is a full on, hardcore thou-shalt-not-die-by-the-"hand"-of-a bad-piece-of-fruit needle. Sorry about that, that was really annoying to read, wasn't it? I am terrified though, but not for the reasons one might think.
I am so poor, there's probably five year olds out there who could make me jealous waving their weekly allowance in my face.

So, naturally I'm going to Africa.. Because that is not expensive at all, nooo.
Malaria pills, i have to take malaria pills, because apparently the mosquito's are really taking over Banjul right now.
And my mom told me that her doctor told her that if you take the strong, most effective ones (pills, not mosquito's) you might end up feeling severely depressed or very aggressive.
And once again all i can think about is how bloody expensive it's going to be.

And also, i hate having to make important phone calls and walk out the door to complete useful and very necessary tasks.
So here i am, blogging, when i should really focus on scheming my way into more money instead.

Santa Lucia this was a very boring entry, i do apologize and promise that the next time i blog it will be about something useful, nice and intellectually challenging.

No, really.

And also, the garden gnome heist must be completed soon, and it hasn't even begun yet! I am still trying to think of a way to walk unnoticed through the entire pub with a one foot tall, very heavy statue under my jacket.
Not very easy when the average number of customers are three men, all of them staaaring at you aaall the time.

Will have to work on that plan.

Dying to feel alive.

Today i shall write about three things, all of them hopelessly unimportant.

First of all:
Sticky sweets. I quite like them because you don't have to hold on to them, they will hold on to you, and there is no demand of sharing them either since most people will assume that you have already licked them.
I also like the fact that long after they are gone you can still savour the sweet taste of rhubarb/strawberry/pear by sucking on your fingers. It's simply delightful!

Secondly:
My armpits. They smell of cucumber, it's a new marketing scheme I've come up with. I am nervously awaiting the hoards of guinea pigs (undoubtedly already moving towards my general direction from all over the country) to come and gnaw of my arms all the way to the sockets.
Ten year old girls all over the world will worship me if this works, it will the the ultimate way of attracting a new pet. If this works, this entry might very well also be my last as i have heard that it is hard to blog when you don't have arms.

The last of my late night pondering is this:

The difference between a habit and a tradition. Lets say you like to have a shower every evening. This is a habit. It is a good thing, by all means, but i have somehow always thought of a habit as a bad thing, even when you don't put the word 'bad' in front of it.
If you have one shower every year, lets say around Christmas time, then all of a sudden it is a tradition, and no longer a habit.
When i hear the word 'tradition' it always makes me think of mistletoe and hot cocoa in the snow. Nice things, in fact lovely things (if you ignore the fact that some obscure cults have traditions that includes the brutal slaughter of bright eyed, innocent children. That is not a very nice tradition).

So, my conclusion (at 4am this morning, so bear with me) is that if our belief in words were stronger then actual physical comfort, people would rarely wash. And if people rarely washed they would stink.

Shopping centres all over the world would be deserted, the smell would be too overwhelming. So, to put it simply: I am clearly in need of some therapy, and if people ever start to take this blog literally you will sooner or later find me dead somewhere, mutilated by minging, bankrupt retailers.

Now, if you will excuse me i am going for a shower.

Oh dear, was that your treehouse?

Just a quick update to mention the floor boards. I know this might seem insignificant to you, but to other people (not me) this is in fact a great source of grief, trouble and sleepless nights.

The dog peed on the floor, and, having a scary, abnormally big and smelly, half hellhound/half beast from the early Cretaceous period with a tiny sprinkle of fluffy kitten living in the house, we shouldn't really expect any less now, should we?

But honestly, the wooden floor boards are sort of.. curling up around the edges, like they're trying to get away from something acidic. I so do not want to be the patch of dead or dying grass in our garden, as i can practically hear the silent screams every time our lovely old beast trots out to empty her bladder.

And i swear, i only give her water to drink. She's like a magical beast, something out of the Arthurian legends. Give her water and she will pee 98% pure alcohol for you. On your floor when you are not looking.



You've got to love Molson <3

Oh, and you might have noticed that my blog titles rarely has anything to do with the post itself. That is because the titles are small reminders to me and myself only, about something ongoing but unbloggable in my life.
So, go on and guess, but knowing how my brain works you'll probably never be able to see the logic behind the titles.
If you do i shall be immensely impressed and give you my firstborn as a token of respect, general insanity and a tribute to the brothers Grimm.

So there.

The smiles of young men.

I just found a half empty mug of not-exactly-hot chocolate under my bed. It stopped me in my tracks for a while, simply because i cannot remember the last time i had one of those (hot chocolates, not bed. I've always had a bed except for that one time with the post it note and the kitchen floor).
Then it hit me, the day i tried a healthy alternative to Cadbury creme eggs, nearly three weeks ago. Now you might ask, what kind of pig is this girl? Leaving half empty mugs of non preservable liquid in her room for three weeks without even noticing.
Well, first of all, thank you for asking, and secondly i would just like to say that i am a very creative pig. I'd left one of my oil paintings to dry on top of the mug, and the mug itself was standing on a discarded piece of paper describing the polite Japanese word 'desu' in excruciating detail.

So what if i sometimes have new, exciting and slightly green lifeforms hibernating, waiting for people to accept the inexorable inevitability of evolution, in my bedroom? I still change my socks every day, sometimes i actually change them several times a day, but that's more down to the incontinent dog i live with then extreme hygiene.

Anyhow, i was going to talk about yesterday. Yesterday was Thursday, party night here in the village. In other words, the pub was cramped, we were nearly fifteen people in there altogether! I didn't even know that many people existed in Bulford, lately i have suspected the British Army for building empty houses, hiring a tiny, slightly intelligence challenged theater troupe to play the inhabitants, and then just left them here to breed for a few generations. All this to keep curious, enlightened people away so that the army could continue doing all their secret experiments without being asked annoyingly relevant questions about the abnormal feeling of eerie nothingness that seems to surround this area.

Back to my big night out, i spotted through the coaster filled air (you'd have to be there to understand what i mean) a face. It belonged to a boy and was somehow different from all the other faces. So i naturally assumed that this was the one i had been waiting for all along, this was the person to come and whisk me away from dead end 'suburbia' and show me the world from a different angle.
I was only half wrong. He was different then the others, he was south African and quite well traveled. This is always a good thing, but i shouldn't have gotten my hopes up to early.

'What are you reading?' he said and pointed at the book i had lying on the table in front of me.
'Orwell, Down and out in Paris and London.' He gave me a blank stare before he got a dead proud look on his face.
'I never read, I've only ever read one book in my life.' And that's where the fairytale ended on my part (i blame Disney for my romantic nature). I must admit i am getting quite used to this sentence, an alarmingly big part of the population use it regularly around me. I put them into two categories.

1. The people who only read the one, obligatory book you had to read in school.

2. The people who add, after the dreaded statement of non literate preferences, the words: 'And that is the Holy book, the bible, the only book worth reading etc'. It makes my soul itch.

But there is little one can do about such things, people have to make their own choices.

Which brings me back to my mug of moldy not-hot-chocolate, because it wasn't moldy, not green at all! A bit rough around the edges maybe (looked a little rough, i didn't taste it, i am not THAT curious), but no green stuff.

It's strange how some things just rot and decay when you leave it alone (pets, fruit, babies) whilst other things seem to develop a independent and unique lifestyle without any help or encouragement at all (pets, parents, the occasional wet towel).

It's so random how things and people end up, i find uniqueness very fascinating and quite terrifying at times.

Oh, and i can now play Yann Tiersens 'song title i cannot remember or even find online' on my Melodica. It's nice, i like it!

The cat is fine too.

For once in my life i am trying to do a bit of preparation. I am fully aware of the fact that my upcoming months in Norway will be quite boring, with the sparkling exception of my family and the few friends who still lives reasonably nearby.
So, naturally, i am forming a band with my brother. We had a brainstorming on Skype today, just to pick a name, and being who we are (a part of the Alberts clan) it kind of went out of hand a bit. Here are some of the best ones:

*A Cat Is Fine Too(something that turned out to be a quote from a sick porn comic,we ditched it)

*Laundry lovers (mine)

*A Box Of Fish With Tartar Sauce (Alex's of course)

*A Cat Born In An Oven Isn't A Cake (his again, he likes the long names)

*Albino Toilet People (Alex)

*Made In Norway (then we realized this might not be the truth)

*May Contain Nuts (me)

*Spice Girls (dumped for obvious reasons) (i mean, it's a horrible name)

*Big White Undies (Alex)

*The Dead Babies (me) (sorry)

*The Undead Babies (this somehow sounds better..)

*Blue Weed (Alex)

*Rainbow Kittens (me) (hey, I'm a girl, what can i say)

*Facepalm (Alex)

*The Bestefar Band (the granddad band) (me, i love my granddad)

*Ragnarokk Boogie (me) (my brother didn't even dignify it with an answer)

*Longcat Hallelujah (Alex)

*Box Full Of AIDS (Alex) (and, sorry)

*The Hat Invasion (me, i love hats)

*Basement Dwellers (Alex)

*Made Of Win (Alex)

*The Strongest Daddy (me) (after a quarrel with a friend about the subject)

*Cool Creatures (a name so obvious there isn't any point using it really) (i mean, it's us!)

So yeah, i think that's were we stranded and went on to other things, like this:

http://video.nettavisen.no/video/11525

My sisters audition tape for 'Norway's got talent'. Not top notch quality, but she has a lovely voice and got invited to the next audition round! If she get further then that, vote for her. I will post updates, she is going to Oslo for the next audition on November the 15th.

And i found a lovely scarf today, it was lying in the bushes, all wet and dirty. I picked it up because I'm a very disgusting person, and it turned out to be a very nice scarf, all stripy and grey and purple. I'm going to wash it tomorrow.

Don't patronize me.

Sunday blues and pumpkin sweets.

People ought to look up more, and i mean that in every way possible. Look up things they read and don't understand, look up interesting things they always wanted to learn, but never had the time to. Also, i think people should physically look more up, but maybe not when they walk around. I did that the other day and walked into a lamppost again. It really hurts you know, my cheek's still a bit sore. But the view was beautiful, and that is my whole point. The world is so breathtakingly beautiful right now, and most of the time it feels like i am the only person (around here at least) who can see it. I find that sad and annoying, and a little bit odd.

But that's enough 'deep' thoughts for today.

I bought a new lighter, it has a picture of a clown on it. I got this familiar, tingly feeling when i saw it. It was a nice little market stall with lighters of all shapes and colours, and i got the feeling again. Do you know what feeling i am talking about? No?

Of course you don't, you're not a borderline eccentric, are you?

Well, it's my 'pretty-shiny-simply-must-start-collecting-it' feeling. So now i collect lighters in addition to frogs, which means that if someone gives me a frog lighter i will probably offer to sleep with them or give them all my shoes out of sheer gratitude and giddiness.

Lately i am very emotional, strange things make me tear up, like fabric softener adverts and tiny, tiny baby mittens. It's probably just down to hormones or sugar levels or something.
But i must admit, if there was even the slightest chance in Jotunheimen that i was pregnant, i wouldn't have doubted it for a second, i even crave pumpkin lollipops!

Things are complicated, i don't feel like people appreciate complicated like they used to do. Or did they? Hell i don't know, i'm just rambling on because i'm bored. But i'm not going to write anything private in here though, i can just write stuff that only make sense to me.
I think a lot of people forget that a blog isn't really a diary, but more of a work-in-progress biography and for all of the world to read.

OK, i really need to go now, this is pointless, i am not even funny, just very close to falling asleep with my socks on. And i hate sleeping with my socks on.

Help Adam find his Eve (See, i can be cheesy!)

If you live in Norway you probably haven't heard about this guy:




His name is Adam Pacitti and he is looking for the girl of his dreams. Well, who isnt.. But this is different because Adam had in fact a dream where he saw the girl, and now he is trying to find her. This is a mediocre summary, you can get the whole story here:

http://www.thegirlofmydreams.co.uk



Seriously people, help him, spread the word! He is going to travel the world to look for her, so he might be coming your way. OK, it might sound mad, i agree, but i have spoken with him, and he seems completely sane. Just a devoted romantic, i think it's sweet really^^

So if everyone could just link to his site from their blog it might help!

Oh, and here is a bigger picture of the girl he drew... Not a very good picture one might add, but it shows the basics. Glasses, hair and such. If you know anyone looking like her, or if you look like her then send him an email with a picture and some words about yourself:



Ok, that's about it i think. If you want to help Adam in any way or have a suggestion, just email him, you find all contact info on the site.

Oh, and about my exciting day: Three people walked by outside the window today, and i made tea. Ah, the village life, never a dull moment.

R.

ADVERTISEMENT

Just to say that i now have a blog for all my short stories and poems. This far i only have three or four things posted there, but I'll try to get more stuff typed in and posted as soon as i can be bothered to do so.
Go and check it out:

http://www.cartepebus.blogspot.com/

OK, bye then!

Blame it on the Dijon mustard.

Well i just made a sauce that is so hot i can't feel my face and my nose and ears are bleeding.

It's very nice with pasta.

I don't know why or how it ended up that hot, i just put a lot of stuff in it, like almost everything from the fridge except for jam and those easter eggs that nobody wants to eat.
I am easy to please as i will eat everything put in front of me except for broccoli, Marmite and those funny looking easter eggs of course.
But enough about my dietary versatility, lets talk about something interesting!

Like the weather, it is dreary.

I also have some nice pictures to put out here on the interweb today, here is four from The New Inn in Amesbury this weekend:

Ladies and gentlemen, my friend Jake:




My other friend Phoebe:




And my other other friend Ben:




Oh, and here's one of me where it looks like i have a beak instead of lips, but it's just a bad writing habit i have. I suck and bite my lips and end up looking like one of those weird people:



Yes. I also have some costume pictures from Halloween, but i think I'll post them later. Adding pictures is a tedious and time consuming job.

I bought sushi from CoOp the other day and ate it sitting in a doorway while the rain was pouring down one foot away from me. It was like sitting in a little bubble, very nice. But then again, i always find pleasure doing the strangest things (mind out of gutter please).

I have an idea though, i am thinking about creating another blog where i can post all my short stories and poems. I don't know what to call it yet, but you will be able to find it on my blogger profile.
Thing is, i have lots of stuff to put up, but so much of it is handwritten, and since i am fundamentally lazy it might take a while before i get it all typed in.


And lastly, i don't really know how to react on the whole Ross/Brand incident. It was wrong what they did, but why should i have to pay for it? I like Late night with Jonathan Ross, it is a nice show. Ah well, six months isn't that long, and in the end i think it's the BBC who will suffer the most, not Ross.

By the way, i just found out that i love Elliot Minor! I think they're brilliant!


Ps. Edit to add, i noticed the pictures are looking a bit weird. No, I'm not gonna change it because i have no idea how to.

Good day to you sir.

Knitting is NOT a satisfying substitute for smoking.

I quit smoking today, but i am fine. Really, that squirrel deserved to die anyway. Sorry that was a horrible joke, but i am as of today not responsible for my actions for the next few days. I know i will get fat, i know i will bite the head off anyone who as much as try to make a joke at my expense, but i also know that i will save money. Lots of money, maybe even enough for me to move back to London soon.
Anyway, here are some of the pictures from London this weekend:


I have tried for a while now to find something fitting, something nice and funny to write as a caption for this picture. But sometimes it is impossible to find the right words and to put them down in a way that will make you understand the mixture of nervousness and giddiness i felt when i met the author i admire the most in the whole world. So i won't do it, I'll just leave the picture to fend for itself.



This one is quite nice, it is the view from the lawn where the Free Hugs event happened. Not the most exciting picture of the year, but i like the colours.




A blue guitar player. Do i really need to explain?



Me, Sarah and Jean-Marc trying to make the world a better place. I think it works, i really do.



Amos looking very... cheap? Heehee^^


Well, that's it for now folks. I have some more pictures, but nothing interesting. Am waiting to get a few better ones from Couchsurfing.org


Holy kangaroo poop i need a cigarette! But no, i shall be strong and resist. I shall go to bed and dream about Russell Brand, nothing PG rated of course.

Lets not talk about cannibalism.

As the self appointed Village Idiot i sometimes find it hard to describe things that are larger than life, but i will give it a go.


* I met a horse (or as some people like to call it, 'a ferret').

* I saw a blue man playing the guitar.

* I almost participated in a very bad rap music video.

* I hugged more people then the entire cast from the Harry Potter movies has ever hugged (i think).

* A minibus load of very intensely cheerful Christians tried to save my soul. It didn't work, but i accepted the tea and just hope it didn't secretly baptize me.

* I lent my scarf to a German girl and very nearly forgot about it.

* I found out that i love sushi.

* I got lost.

* Twice.

* I walked so much that my feet looks funny now. The color is all wrong.

* I accidentally ended up bringing only purple clothes with me. Different shades of purple. Urgh.

* I broke my nail and it really hurts, so that's not just an urban legend. It really is quite traumatic.

* I Couchsurfed with a guy who tried to pole dance with a loaf of bread on the train, it is still a mystery to me how the owner of the bread didn't notice it being raped.

* I found out that asking for directions makes you even more late because everyone really wants to help you. Especially the people who have no idea of where you are going love to make suggestions and give personal opinions.

* The London Eye is really quite big.

* Apparently i look Irish.

* And like a student.

* And sometimes even German.

* I might have landed myself a volunteer job as a Norwegian translator with the Open Right group in London. If they ever need one.

* Oh, and i had a brief conversation with Neil Gaiman. (see, did you notice how indifferent i managed to sound about it? I am really quite the actress. Truth be told i am still walking on sunshine and parents who never listen to their children).

More will be written about all this, right now i need to rest, digest and watch 'Merlin'. But tomorrow, tomorrow i shall present you with magnificent descriptions, pictures, vivid images will haunt your brain after you hungrily devour and cherish my artistic superiority and creative skills, like a thirsty fish, a caged bird with pantaloons, a dyslectic raccoon in a stationary shop in Machu Picchu suddenly realizing that he wants to fight crime for a living!

Tomorrow i shall change your life forever. (or maybe just add some pictures and captions).

Butterfly overload.

I am a sucker (no pun intended) for a good vampire series, and Moonlight is very good. Already it has managed to gather a huge group of devoted fans, it can almost be considered a cult series already even though it is quite new.
So naturally it has been canceled. I haven't seen all the episodes yet, so I'm only hoping that the last episode doesn't end in a cliffhanger. I'm sure it will though, typical. And a lot of unanswered questions, secrets, character developments etc.
Just like Firefly, it is really annoying. How come they haven't canceled Lost yet then? They are on their fourth season now, and seriously, is ANYONE watching it anymore?

Oh, and I've developed a new diet plan. For other, crazier people that is, not for me. I like to call it: The Book Diet, Eat Your Words or Eat What You Read!

To follow the diet you read a book, any book (not a cookbook). Every time one of the characters eat something you are allowed to eat the same thing. And that is all you are allowed to eat. If you would like to loose weight really quickly all you have to do is eat only what the protagonist is eating, nothing else.

Choose your book wisely, I've already had some fun with this and made a list of books you really shouldn't be reading during the diet:

* Vampire books, do i even have to explain that for you?

* Down and out in Paris and London, unless you enjoy eating white bread with margarine and tea or coffee every other minute.

* Alice in Wonderland.

* Charlie and the chocolate factory, for obvious reasons.

* Babycakes, short story. Unless you think cannibalism is the next, natural step in evolution.

* Any sort of Satanist or cult biography, golly they eat some weird shit!

* The Argos catalog, unless you have a death wish.

* Flowers in the attic. You'd have to eat lots of sweets and fried chicken, then starve yourself for two weeks and end the whole thing by ALMOST eating a dead mouse. Raw.

* The book I'm currently writing. All you'd be able to eat and drink then is two bananas, tea and lots of vodka.


Tomorrow I'm going to London, and when i return i expect to have all sorts of weird and exciting things to blog about. If i don't it means that somewhere, somehow i did something wrong.

Cat flap stories.

The cat flap's gone, and has been for a while. We didn't really notice in the beginning because it was summer and the weather was hot. Now we notice, but we acclimatize. We have even found it quite useful at times, having a hole in the door.
Every morning one of us put our foot out to check the temperature, it's brilliant, we don't even have to go outside to know what to wear. But it is cold, so today i taped a plastic bag over it, just to shut out the freezing wind.

The cat was not amused, we are currently not on speaking terms.

One thing i know for sure though, i am not going out tonight, even if it is Friday. This is me, backward rebelling. I simply cannot spend any money this week, i have to save up for next weekend.
And the weekend after that if i want to celebrate Halloween in London like last year.
I invited everyone on my Facebook list.
This far two have said yes, me and a bloke who already lives in London. It's gonna be wild.......


London, Bristol or Tokyo?


R.

Words from a notebook.

Lately I've been going for a walk every evening, just to think and write down small ideas and thoughts. I have this neat little orange book that fits perfectly in my coat pocket.
I decided to write down my latest ramblings here, directly transferred from the first pages in my notebook.
It's crazy stuff, not to be taken seriously. Unless you want to have that kind of opinion of me.

Enjoy!

Behind the desk he sits.
Maybe naked.
But you don't know that, do you?
Because you can't see him.
I want to meet the radio people.
I wonder, are they good listeners?


Behind the desk he sits.
Fully dressed.
But you already knew that, didn't you?
Because you can see him.
He's on TV, everyone can see him.
But he can't see you.
He must be secretly terrified.

He is standing in the spotlight.
All alone and fully dressed.
Can one really be more naked?
One day the laughter will die.
Maybe tomorrow.
The joke's on him.

Words can change your life.
It will change your life.
The first time i heard someone say shrubbery
I knew i was going to England.
How could i not move to a place
Where shrubbery and mittens are actual words?

Where you can say butterscotch, lark, blimey and whimsical as much as you like.

It's wonderful, it really is.

And it's not like anyone comes here for the weather.



When i listen to Yann Tiersen i always think of Paris and wine.
When i drink wine it reminds me of The London Eye.
The London Eye makes me think of Christopher Eccleston.
Christopher Ecclesten makes me think about leather jackets.
Leather jackets reminds me of Neil Gaiman.
Neil Gaiman makes my brain morph into porridge.
This all makes sense in my life.

So please do tell me, why am i always reminded of Ricky Gervais when i boil eggs??

To me real love is always unrequited.
The minute i know i can have him
It turns out my soul shattering love for him
Was nothing more then a crush and a bit of alcohol.
Those two mixed together helps increase the population.
That's something they never teach you in school.

I remember when i cleared out my room after graduating from boarding school.
I found three panties that weren't mine.
Now that's a background story I'd like to hear.

I exploded the dryer today
Apparently it doesn't do shoes.
Isn't that kind of speciest?

An old man in Coop told me i looked like an actress.
Is that what they call smiling these days?

Everytime i'm drunk i tell people that i only eat fruit.
I have no idea why because it isn't true.

Sell me a coat.

Autumn is coming, like a confused frog jumping backwards and forwards. One day it's hot and the next you can't even look out the window without wearing woolen socks.
I answered the phone with a German accent today, and i know from experience that my German accent is quite good, so when they hung up on me i was a bit miffed. Are people still bearing grudges? The next time someone tries to call me I'll try out the grandmother impression that includes a lot of talk about the weather, dinner, the walk i took yesterday and what i had for breakfast eight days ago.
One day i might end up owing my grandmother, she is my best impression. My only i think, i haven't tried anyone else. Except for the king of Norway, but anyone can do him (not 'do' him do him, the Queen wouldn't appreciate that. Unless.. No).

Some people would be filthy rich if they had copyright on their voice.


Moving along now.

The flowers in my window look suicidal. But then again, so would i be if i had to look at the man across the street practically fornicate with his car on a daily basis. Does that man ever leave his driveway??

Oh, and good news (not that you care) about the whole Neil Gaiman issue that when i come to think of it i haven't even written about that yet... I'll do it now!

I phoned Blackwell yesterday. Blackwell told me that the last ticket for Mr.G's reading was sold literally minutes before i called. That made me sad enough to eat peanut butter, something i am trying to stay away from since i started my diet.

But then all of a sudden i remembered having read something earlier, weeks ago actually, so i looked it up again. And there is was, the solution of all my problems! He is doing a Open Rights talk on the 24th of October, and i am going!
I got the ticket, one of the last ones, and emailed the guy who's arranging the whole thing. Why? To persuade him into having a 'magic password' at the entrance of course! And he turned out to be a guy with a sense of humor, so now we have a password and everyone is happy. Or i am at least.
And Jonathan Ross. I think. He should be, the man is loaded!

I won't write the password here, that would be silly of me. Then anyone could enter.

So instead of standing in queue with 600 people in a church, i get to sit down with a few people in a room and listen to his amazing voice talking about piracy versus obscurity before going upstairs to a private bar for drinks.
And thanks to Couchsurfing i have found somewhere to stay that weekend. And any guy who actually answer a message titled 'About that gerbil', is someone I'd like to meet in person.


I am going now, to watch weird stuff on Youtube and eat gum (because I'm on that diet).


R.

Teach me how to sing like you!

Once again the title is completely out of context, just another quote from Whose line?

This will be a short post, i don't really have anything to write about.. I have found a new favorite film though, a very strange one. It's called 'Moon child' and is written by Japanese rock star Gackt, who also stars in it. HYDE, another Japanese musician (my pers. favorite) stars beside him. It is a, um.. futuristic vampire gangster love story.
I know what you're thinking 'oh no, not another one!' But this one's special^^
It's amazing, heartbreaking and funny and just... And the music! The music! Gawd, just see it.

You can see it online for free at www.tv-links.eu

I don't know if that site is legal, and I'd rather not find out since i am quite fond of it.

Other then that my life is uneventful. No really, nothing has happened. What did you expect? I live in Bulford.

What did i do to deserve this??

It's official, i FUCKING HATE MYSELF!!!

I, stupid as i am, decided to save some money by not going to the Dresden Dolls concert, because i wanted to go and see Neil Gaiman instead. Well, guess what? Guess who was at the concert i deliberately missed yesterday?

Yeah, that's right, NEIL FRIKKIN' GAIMAN!!! He did the introduction and was a back up singer and tambourine player, and apparently the concert was brilliant, they played 'I google you'...

This is just one of those things that i am going to regret for the rest of my life.
I have to get away from this village life, it is slowly turning me into a narrow minded, boring person who actually worry about trivial things like economy and a smelly garden (long story).

I need to DO something with my life, this was really a wake up call, i have to stop saying no to things. In a twisted and bizarre way me missing out on the concert of a lifetime might have been a good thing. It made me realize how much i have been missing out on things. It makes me feel like I'm just wasting away here in my room with my bloody laptop with my bloody book (this is one of my 'i hate my writing' days)...

I need to move, and i need to move to a big city where stuff happens, where i can actually do exciting things and be a part of things that holds an interest to me, not just reading about it on another persons blog the next day.

I am really pissed off now. Really pissed off.

Lately it seems like i have been going through life just meeting the wrong people in the wrong places at the wrong time.

I think i need to take a long, calming walk to the graveyard and back. I need to listen to Ben Folds and come to terms with being left hanging on the outside looking in on everything exciting without being able to participate.

And today i really don't need a hug. I hate people today.

Goodbye cruel world.

Ps, look at this brilliant home video of Amanda in her underwear, serenading Neil and playing her ukulele:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcHqg_AXeqA

Absolutely nothing and a bit about Ben Folds.

I nearly drowned in the shower today. I was singing and kind of turned my head in the wrong angle with my mouth open.. You had to be there, but i'm glad you weren't.

I have also decided to start eating more fruit, beginning today. I made a fruit salad and ate it, and now it feels like i am about to explode. But i'm sure it is a good sign, after all fruit is healthy.

Yesterday i was invited to a birthday party in St. Albans. I have never met the birthday girl(s), but i used to go to summer camp with one of the guys. I had a crush on him, everyone did. I expect he invited me for purely geographical reasons (we both live in the UK), but i don't think i will go.

My sentences are very short today, i sound a bit like what i imagine Stephen Hawkins diary would sound like. Not that i would know.


Ben Folds.

And i am in love with Ben Folds voice. And his words, he is a genius i think. Or maybe he's just very good at pretending to be good at doing what he does.

I need a hug.

Fetch me fedora! Quickly!

Lately I've been considering applying for the Mensa home test, just to see if i might qualify for the real, supervised one. I took one test online, it was developed by a Mensa test developer, so the results are not to be taken too seriously, but it was supposed to give a certain idea of what my result would have been on the Stanford-Binet test. To qualify for the membership you need to get a minimum of 132 IQ score on the Binet, or 148 on the Cattell. I got 126, so I'm 6 points under the required minimum..

How do you train your brain when you hate crosswords and Sudoku? Just wondering. A membership in Mensa would have been really cool, and a good thing to have on my CV, especially considering that i failed maths in college..

And they have social events and stuff for clever people, it sounds like a lot of fun! I think I'll just bite my teeth together and start taking quizzes and puzzles etc.

And i mean, six points under isn't that bad, is it? I bet I'll do better next time if i drink a lot of coffee and don't have 'The Jonathan Ross show' on in the background like the last time^^

My nails are really long now, i am actually thinking about getting a manicure, just to see if it's worth it. Pretty little pictures on my nails, i think i like it already!
I want a unicorn on my thumbnail, and a gerbil on my... yeah, maybe not.

Other events in my life:

Have decided not to go to the Amanda Palmer concert, even though i really, really want to.. I just can't afford London twice in one month, and i HAVE to meet Neil Gaiman.

Charlie spent the entire morning pretending to be a cat. The boy's got potential. Don't know what for, but definitely potential for something..

Lately I've watched so much Whose Line that all it takes for me to crack up is someone saying 'I'm Spartacus' (so far this hasn't happened in real life, but if it does I'll tell you [and probably marry the person who said it])

And i think I'm starting to realize who i am.

Saturday morning.

I know what you're thinking, unoriginal title right? Wrong! It's actually a song by Eels, i am listening to it right now, and it is Saturday morning. So there.

Anyway, I've lost my cable, but what else is new? So I'll look for it when i get the feeling back in my legs, and then I'll post some pictures from yesterday. I had a good time, but i shall never drink again, it is simply not worth it. Honestly, it feels like Cirque du Soleil is performing on my forehead.
Oh, found cable. Here are pictures from yesterday:



Me and Iain, one of the nicest guys i've ever met^^



Iain and Josh.



A lot of people.



Iain, Josh and me^^



A balloon. indeed.




I phoned Julie in Russia yesterday, but ran out of calling credit after a few minutes. It was lovely to hear her voice though, but felt weirder then ever to speak in Norwegian. I just can't seem to find the right words anymore.
So instead of sounding like the intellectual i normally sound like when i speak, i end up sounding like a stuttering preschooler with pigtails and a cat named Rainbow. Or something. You know what i mean.

I woke up with the sudden urge to write Haiku, so i did and it is terrible!

I cannot feel my legs
Yet.

My head really hurts
Yep.

The cat is breathing
Loudly.

I feel like dancing yeah
Right.


I don't know if i want to go to London next weekend or not. I want to see Dresden Dolls, sure, but the only person offering to come with me this far is a 69 year old hippie. Which is cool, but i don't have anywhere to stay. I know people in London, but i don't want to stay with them, and the rest of them live with their parents, so...
Ah well, i shall have to wait and see. I am definitely going on Hallows eve though, meeting Neil Gaiman is not an opportunity that presents itself every day, or year for that matter.


My coffee is cold
Again.

So I'll just go and make another one.

Sayonara Zetsubo Sensei!

Pregnant, it's a boy!!

Sure, now I've got your attention! It was just a dream though, but a vivid one. I was living in a very cold castle, a bit like The Snow Queens castle from the 1845 H.C Andersen fairytale (one of my favourites btw). And i was very pregnant, or, the bump went up and down in size all the time.
I knew i was going to have a boy, and i was very pleased and had no financial worries. Castle, remember? I was surrounded by nice people, no one i can remember, just a happy mix of everyone that i know.

The dream was different in the way that i really behaved like me, i didn't do much, i thought a lot about the same kind of things i would have been thinking if i found myself awake and pregnant.
It was kind of boring, not much happened at all really, i was mostly lying on a couch stroking the bump and reading Hop Frog by Poe, something that i suspect strongly resembles real life when that time comes.
When i woke up i felt very confused, i was going to name my boy Dorian Nathaniel. I kind of like that name now!
If i had anything remotely resembling a love life, I'd probably be nervous and take a test, my mothers dreams come true sometimes. But there's no chance in hell that I'm pregnant. Seriously, unless I'm bearing some higher beings holy son.
Maybe i should quit smoking just in case?

Read 'Amethyst child' by Sarah Singleton yesterday, it was very captivating. And based on real beliefs you can read more about the phenomena here:

http://www.thestarchildren.com

Or:

www.indigochild.com

I think it's an intriguing theory not to be taken to seriously. But i was born in 87, so it would explain a lot of my strange personality and alien-ish detachment

Yesterday i went with Charlie to the Collective Worship at his school. Wow, those people really do believe in teaching their children all about Jesus. But they were cute though, and Charlie said his lines very clearly, and very red faced^^

I might go out tonight. Or i might not. I probably will though.

How to be a girl.

Some situations make me feel like i am a male transvestite trapped in a female body. If that makes sense? I went shopping with Ali today, and she went in to a beauty salon to get her eyebrows done. As i sat down on the pink chair and looked at the four, framed pictures in front of me showing different types of (very feminine) shoes, something occurred to me.
I really don't feel at home in places like this, but i really wish i did. Behind me were a girl and her beauty therapist (or whatever the title is) doing her nails, they were giggling and making girlie, polite smalltalk. Then one of the girls said 'Oh, i know exactly what we need!' And she turned on Abba's greatest hits.
They sang, all pretty nails and shiny hair and perfect eyebrows, and i just wanted to drink nail varnish and bang my head in the wall.
Why can't i be like them? I mean, i am a girl, i like to have nice nails and pretty dresses. I straighten my hair and wear make up and look at my bum in the mirror.. But only to some extent. I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable in a beauty salon or a spa, i just cannot seem to embrace the whole 'I'm every woman, it's all in meeeee'-concept...

I know I'm not the most feminine girl on the planet, but i am most certainly not a tomboy, am i?
I prefer hanging out with guys, mostly because they have a sense of humor and are easy to talk with, but i have girl friends as well. They're just other places, like Russia and Norway.. And i don't really feel the need for any more girl friends, they're so intense sometimes, and so easily upset and agitated.
Except for the few i have, and i thinks that's one of the reasons i have them^^


I went out yesterday to Amesbury. I met the same gang of boys as last time, with a few exceptions, but i decided to slightly ignore them. I'm not a bitch, i have my reasons.
Thing is, i didn't wanted to be in the way.. I know I'm gonna sound even more schizophrenic then usual when i write this, especially if you read my last blog entry, but here it goes: I kind of fancy one of them, and everyone kind of knows it and kind of makes fun. Kind of..
It's so childish, but it makes me embarrassed when they wink and say stuff like 'Sit next to Josh, i bet Josh wouldn't mind' etc.

Yeah, his name is Josh. He doesn't really talk much, maybe that's why i noticed him? I have this theory about people who don't say much. They're either to stupid to come up with anything interesting, or they think a lot instead of saying everything out loud. I hope (and think) he is in the last category.
Thing is, i don't think he fancy me much. At all. Either that or he's very shy. But yesterday they asked me to come in and sit with them, and i ended up having a really good time, some people are easy to have fun with.
He bought me a drink, so i hope i'm not completely left out in the cold, but it might have been sheer politeness. Bah, a girl can dream, can't she?

Tonight i have babysitting duty, so i'm missing the Amesbury beer festival. That sucks, cos i think it would have been fun, beer festivals are normally fun. They have beer.
So i'm stuck at home with three hormonal preteens and my oil paints. Which isn't too bad really, as long as i don't think about all the fun i'm possibly missing.

Christmas is slowly sneaking up on me, like a grandmother with yet another glass of milk for my bones, and i've already started to worry about gifts. I have two families now, and i want to give them all a gift. And friends. And so on. Where is the magic? Where is the black night under the old lamp post with the silent snow swirling around my face to give me the illusion of moving while standing still?

Why is it that all that was good about childhood was also the things we first forgot when we were busy growing up?

I used to talk to trees when i was a kid, have long conversations with them, and i was so sure they answered me.
Now i keep it to a minimum, i am just being polite. I apologize when i step on roots and sometimes i say hello, but i never ask them how it feels to die once a year anymore. I used to, years ago, but i can't remember the answer.

And i'm drinking caramel tea!

The return of the flabbergasted armadillo!

I don't know why i wrote that, it just felt...right. It's probably because my life is so uneventful at the moment, nothing worthy of a title have happened. Maybe a label, but not a title.
It's Friday today and i might go out. But seriously, what is the point? I won't meet any interesting people, that's for sure. Or is it? I might get lucky and meet someone cool? It's thoughts like that that keeps me from just staying in every Friday and Saturday. The tiny voice in my brain saying 'maybe this time.'

Someone once told me 'You think everyone is so boring and stupid, but take a look at yourself!' Or something like that, but she's just to stupid to get it. I'm not saying that I'm a better person then everyone i meet, saying that would just make me the stupidest person of them all.
But it would be so nice to meet someone i actually have something in common with, someone who know what I'm talking about.

Sigh, yes it is all very tragic blahblahblah.

Enough!

I miss my real friends, Julie, Kaspar, Lucas, Lisbeth... They're like family. A very wide spread one yes, but still. I miss them.

On a lighter note, my hair is shockingly red again, i like it. It looks like I'm bleeding from the head. But it won't last for long though, the dye washes out more and more every day.

Well, this is officially the most boring blog entry i have ever written, and to quote my good friend Akilesh in London 'Oh, i doapologize!'

Dun have a headline, dun care.

Ok, here's my schedule for upcoming events that i desperately want to attend:

1. Amanda Palmer (Dresden dolls), Ben Folds and more are playing Koko in Camden the 10th of October. Wanna go so badly, but have to check my financial situation..

2. A talk with Neil Gaiman, Piracy vs. Obscurity. 30th of Oct(i think) in London, but i have to go undercover as a Open Rights activist, and i don't know how to do that convincingly... No matter how much i support Open Rights, brilliant group!

3. Neil Gaiman reading and Q&A in London, book release of 'The graveyard book.' 30th of October.

4. Neil Gaiman signing in Blackwell, London. Very nervous about this one, i mean, i get to meet The Man!! 31st of October, Hallow's eve'n all, how cool is that, eh?

And last but not least, i'm invited to dear mothers wedding in the Gambia in February, i want to go. I mean, this is mother we are talking about here, her getting married at last is like me finding a suitable boyfriend here in Salisbury. A miracle!

I need a date for the wedding though, but i've kind of given up on the whole 'go out on a Friday in Salisbury and meet interesting people.' That would be equally high on the Unlikely Events List as proving the existence of the pink, invisible unicorn.

So, in other words, i am likely to go alone.

Who's line is it anyway?

Is a show I've been watching a lot lately, it's everywhere on Youtube. That's not why I've been watching it though, it's funny! And it reminds me of all the drama courses i took when i was younger, with all the silly games and improvisations.
Other then that my life's been uneventful. The 'person' i described here in the last post, the boring one, remember her? Well, she read it. So it all went according to plan, but I'm getting sick of passing hate mail through Facebook now, some people simply don't know when to stop, and very often the same people don't know any good insults either.
It's almost an insult to have an argument with someone so completely good-insults-impotent.

Well, enough of that, and now for something completely different: Scott Westerfeld, he writes Science fiction books you should read. Uglies, Pretties, Specials and Extras. It's a series, and it's about a world where beauty is everything, where everyone goes through extensive surgery when they turn sixteen, just to make them into a 'Pretty'. Before that they're 'Uglies' a.k.a normal people.

It is like the shallow young adults version of 1984 by George Orwell, but not in a bad way, the books are unputdownable.

Well, yapyapyap, i don't really have anything to say, I'm looking for translator work, but due to my lack of experience I'm not likely to get hired anytime soon. So how do people gain experience then? How silly, i mean we all have to start somewhere... Ah well, i'm going now. I'm gonna watch the first episode of 'Merlin' before i go to bed. It's a new series about Merlin, Pendragon, you know, King Arthur and that lot. Very good, and Merlin is verrry hot^^

Okay, enough, i bid ye farewell.

How to be bored in a gay club.

So i went to London on Saturday, right? And i was really looking forward to it since i haven't been there in a while. But it turned out to be the most boring London visit I've ever experienced in my life. I was sleepy during the entire stay, i stayed over with a nice but very Christian girl, not exactly what i was expecting.. Tried to go out with a friend, we went to Heaven. But I've very nearly given up on the friend, we have nothing to talk about. Ever. When we meet she asks me how i am up to five times just because there's nothing more interesting to say, and we have completely different interests. I feel about forty years older then her, and i am really starting to struggle when i have to come up with things to talk about with her. I feel like i am the entertainment and she is the audience, and not in a good way. I just wish that for once she could say something, ANYTHING interesting!

She is nice, so i don't really know how to tell her that i just don't see the point anymore. How do you break up with a friend??

We don't share a taste in music or films, i hardly think she reads at all, and i get a feeling that every time i mention something i like she's agreeing with me without having any idea whatsoever of what i am talking about.
There is no challenge when you speak to her, i never learn anything new. You should think she had lots of interesting stories, cos she's been traveling quite a lot, but she's never told me anything.

It's almost like hanging out with a zombie sometimes.

If she reads this she'll know it's her I'm referring to, but i just don't care anymore.

Second draft rambling and a Bristol update.

Let's start this beautifully wet and dreary morning with this gorgeous picture of Olaf eating, yeah? Sorry Olaf, i just had to.. This is the guy i stayed with in Bristol, he is nice, funny, german and an excellent animator!

The picture above is the monster on his wall. Yes, the man hs a monster on his wall, and when the drawing is finished the monster will crush a city. I think it's brilliant^^

I am well into my second draft of The Beast From Beyond now, i am of course talking about my book 'Leo's hemmelighet.' The feeling of the book is changing into something a bit darker and more realistic. It's still fantasy, but i want to write it in a way that will make you feel like it could happen to you, and that it's happening anyway, right around the corner and to someone else. I've been more specific when it comes to naming places and describing certain real life things. Like the first chapter in Oslo. It was a bit to 'out there', i am making it more real. Describing places i used to go, places you might find yourself in if you ever go to Oslo.
I was vaguely inspired by Neil Gaimans 'Neverwhere', the book that eventually made me move to London.
I remember sitting on the edge of a fountain reading it,i think it was somewhere in Central London, and the book described the exact place i was sitting, the protagonist was in fact sitting on the edge of the very same fountain as me. That made an impact, and it was enough to make 'Neverwhere' one of my all time favourite books. I want to make the same impact, i want people to go looking for the little shop Angelica works in.
But this is just me daydreaming, for all i know i'll never even get it published. I will though, eventually. The trick is not to give up, ever. I hope..

Kim Harrison is an author i would recommand for everyne who likes the horror/fairytale/humor genre. I read one of her books yesterday, Dead Witch Walking, and she is absolutely brilliant. It's unputdownable to the last page.

My current mission is finding someone who's willing to host me in London this upcoming weekend, if i can't do that won't get to meet Terry Pratchett. And that would be a shame, it really would.

My next mission after that, is to snoop around inside the publishing industry down here, to see if i have what it takes to become a translator. I hope i won't need to go back to college, i don't like college, it hurts my creativity and leisure time.

Dog needs walking, girl needs showering, stair needs a sweep, desperately. I shall return, hopefully.

Short post from Bristol.

I am couchsurfing in Bristol right now, staying in a really nice house with a German animator. Right now he´s downstairs making sausages, so i´m stealing his computer for a bit. Went for a walk in town today and ended up juggling on the street with some fundraisers i met, one of them was actually a couchsurfer too. So that was cool! Tonight we´re going out somewhere, hopefully somewhere not to far away. It´s raining.. I bought Good Omens in a charity shop, a battered old copy. It´s perfect, i´ll get it signed by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett soon mehopes! They are both coming to London in September and October respectively.

Ok, cheers. I´ll write more and post some pics from Bristol when i get home^^

But before that i´m going to Glastonbury...

Late update.

Hello, I'm back from Norway! I meant to blog while i was there, but never really got around to it. So here we are, it's nearly 2 am in the morning, and i am going to Bristol tomorrow, to meet a stranger, an illustrator to be exact. I'm staying at his couch for free so that i can explore the city and sit in nice coffee shops and write. How cool is that?
It almost makes me feel like a real author, not just a writer^^
I know i should have been in bed long ago, but I'm not tired yet. I think i'll just write a short summary of what has happened since the last time i blogged, it's always easier to arrange stuff in lists:

*Made a man fall in love with me after about ten minutes of conversation, although i think he was more in love with the idea of having a girlfriend. It could have been anyone, i was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm good with that....

*Went to Norway without my mom knowing, my brother had to sneak me in at midnight and the next day i hid in a big box on the living room floor. Jumped out in front of my mom. I'll never forget her facial expression, it was priceless.

*Bought two books about writing, on technical and one about the specific fantasy/sci-fi genre that i love to write and read. Interesting stuff, it was very inspiring.

*Got author feedback on one of my chapters on Skrivebua.no, i was very pleased with the comment, and even more pleased to discover that the only criticism i got was about a thypical mistake i realized myself a long time ago and changed. It's about writing feelings, and how it is always better to show then to tell.

*Watched to much CSI, see potential crime scenes and crazy people everywhere. You wouldn't have wanted to be in the same room as me after my x-files marathon last week, i am a very impressionable lady.

*Got woken up in the middle of the night two days ago, by someone screaming on the other side of the street. The police came and arrested one of my 'brothers' friends step father, but no one was hurt. I hate domestic violence.

Well, that was all the highlights i guess, unless... Well, i should really mention my best friend and i getting gloriously drunk in Norway, riding her bike home, crashing into stuff and stealing apples from a strangers garden. I woke up the next morning feeling like Odd Nerdrum slept in my mouth. My pockets were stuffed with apples. It was fun, a good way to say goodbye. She is moving to Russia soon, so i won't see her until next year. Sometimes it hurts to grow up.

Oh, and i also found out that my mom used to date the drummer in Disorder, a band. Haven't heard the music before, but I've seen people wear the shirt, so that's pretty cool. Apparently she was squatting with them in Bristol for a couple of days when she was eighteen.
Well, wadda ya know, i've got a cool mummy^^ But we already knew that.

I really gotta go now, have to get some sleep. I am no good without sleep, ciggies, coffee, books and my fancy writer hat. But then again, that is all i ask for to be happy. Well, that and hopefully enough money to buy all the stuff i don't really need.

I suspect that my brother might be gay by the way, that would have been sooo cool!

Stepping in vomit.

Yes, you saw the title, but do you want to hear the rest of the story? It wasn't my vomit, but i was my shoes, and someone special was watching. I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when all of a sudden i slipped in something disgusting. It looked a bit like porridge and was all over my shoe.
A lady walked over with her husband and stopped to ask if i was okay, and the husband said something and nodded his head while looking at me all sympathetically. But i couldn't hear them because of my Ipod, and when i turned it off it was to late. So i just nodded and said 'That was disgusting, yeah, thanks,' or something like that.
And they walked off.

I walked off.

I walked.

And walked.

And stopped abruptly when i realized who the nice lady and the sympathetic man had been:

Terry Pratchett and his wife!!!!

Why me, why me?? Can't i meet him just one time without acting like an idiot or stepping in vomit? If he remember me now, it's because of me cursing and dragging my vomit covered foot all over the side walk to clean it.... How lovely, i do love my life.

Time warp!

I am working offline right now, there's no wireless connection here, so i'll just copy and paste later. I am at the pub, just having a drink before i go home again. I needed to get away for a little while, Bulford is driving me nuts.
I found a brochure in Tesco, and guess what? Dylan Moran is coming to Salisbury! Dylan Moran, the Oscar Wilde of contemporary comedy and stand up! I really hope the tickets aren't sold out already, he's popular. If you haven't heard of him i recommend you to go on Youtube and check him out. He has a show called 'Monster' there, good quality, and a lot of other stuff.
He starred in the wonderfully dark sit com 'Black books', a DVD series worth buying, cos you just want to see it again and again.

Gee, i sound like his manager or something.... Ah well, i am a huge fan.

This weekend I'll have to choose between going camping or going to a beer/music festival... Don't know what i want yet! I really wanna go camping with the family and ex Hells Angels people, but i want to go to the festival as well.... Why, oh why does it have to be like this? I mean, week after week without anything happening, and then all of a sudden everything at once... Typical.

I bought Gossip girl on DVD today, a friend told me it was worth a look. I have to stop spending all my money on films and DVD box sets. I should save up for whatever the future holds in store for me. But i just can't be bothered.

Lately i have been daydreaming about Japan, i want to go there. I don't really know why other then that I'd love to learn Japanese. I mean, you can easily buy language cassettes, DVD's, CD rooms etc, but i want to learn the native language.
What you learn in school is rubbish, i can say that because i know what i am talking about. My English lessons in school were rubbish. Yeah, we learned how to read books and we learned all the grammar, but we did not learn a single phrase that they actually use in conversation here. The slang, the 'street language', if you catch my drift?

Nooo, i had to actually move here to learn that. So i figure I'll have to do the same thing if i want to learn real Japanese. And, of course i love anime^^

Did you know that the phrase 'long time no see' comes from Hong Kong? It's so called Chinglish, they speak a mix between Chinese and English there. I don't really know any more then that, but i can imagine it's quite like badly dubbed anime, with strange grammar and pronunciation. One of my friends is from there, and he makes it sound like a place I'd want to live, but Japan is even more alluring for some reason. It is strange, i don't know anyone from there other then a friends ex that i met once.
But one of my friends in London (the one with the ex)wants to move there, so I'm not the only fascinated one^^

Argh! I hate not having my laptop plugged in, i can't stop watching the battery go down and down and down. It's on 40 % now. The shop boy who sold it to me said the battery would last for three hours, but i knew that was bullshit, they always lie. Always.

Lately I've been avoiding all my friends here, and i don't quite know why.. I think I'm just sick of all the gossip and drama. I want friends with the same interests as me, art, literature, music and films. Intellectual people who can keep up in a conversation about things a bit deeper then what he said and what she did.. It makes me sick how sheltered and limited they are sometimes. I mean, i love them to bits, but i need people on my own wave length. With Julie, my best friend in Norway, i could talk for hours about 'what happens after you die, do you believe there is life on other planets' etc... I just can't do that with these people. I mean, i can, but it would just be me talking and them listening with half an ear and a polite expression on their faces...

I know i should call them and tell them that everything is alright and that I'm not really cross with them and still alive and well, but i don't have any credit on my phone and I'm far away from Tesco right now.. I'll do it tomorrow.

Lou, Ali's friend recommended the art center in Salisbury, she said i was more likely to find 'my kind of people' there. I'm not gonna ditch my old friends here, of course not, but i need other people as well. People i can do more then just getting drunk and go dancing with.

Meeting all the Heroes...

The way it looks now i get to meet Terry Pratchett, Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman. Not at the same time, but all of them in London. Terry is doing a signing at Waterstones on September the 13th, that made me immensely happy.
I saw him once, in Gloucester, and another time in Amesbury. He lives not very far away from me, and he is one of my idoles.. and i chickened out both times! The first time he even smiled at me, and he was alone and obviously not busy at all. I could have had a conversation with my hero, with one of the funniest and cleverest men in the U.K, maybe even the world.

And what did i do?

I smiled like the idiot i am and let him walk away... Sometimes i resent myself.
The other time i was on the bus, he was sitting outside the bus reading a book. He looked up and spotted me, and smiled again. Almost as if he recognized me, but that's probably wishful thinking on my part.

This time i'll meet him for real! But it's not the same, this is a signing, not out in the open. I'll be queuing for prob. 4-6 hours before i get 10 seconds with him..
My only hope now is him recognizing me as his accidental stalker, and say something in the lines of "Oh it's you!" Righttt....That's likely.

Neil is coming in October, on Halloween to be exact, and that queue will be sooo much longer. I mean, the man is a walking, talking legend... I'll probably stand there all night, with a sweaty copy of 'The graveyard book' clutched in my hand and a silly grin on my face.
All just for 10-15 seconds with my hero, my imaginary husband, the literary love of my life.

t's soo worth it though!

Dresden dolls is performing in October as well, the 10th methinks, at Koko in Camden. Good venue, good people. Can't wait! I am actually in contact with Amanda Palmer's assistent on lj, maybe if i'm lucky i'll get to go back stage with the band. That'd be amazing, i love those crazy people^^

I am seriously considering to try and write a book in English, i mean, why not.. I have a excellent dictionary program on this laptop (pretty, pretty thing), and i lack the three last letters in the Norwegian alphabet on the key board anyway.. So writing in Norwegian would just end up with me having to do A LOT of editing work later on..

And anyway, i want to live in the U.K, all the authors and artists i admire lives here.. I want to be a part of it. I mean, Norway is alright, but it's not exactly Mecca when it comes to publishing... Over here authors are cool people, in Norway i feel the impression people have of them is more... ignorant?

Love at first sight.

I went to Salisbury today, just to do something. Last night (Friday) i went out and met Bekky. She'd manage to fail all of her A levels, so she wasn't exactly happy.. But i met Lou and Graham as well though, Ali and Marks friends, they're funny people!

But back to today. I fell in love, it really was love at first sight. I stood outside of Curry's, minding my own business. Then i turned around and saw her. She was beautiful, tiny, white and with a personality you could feel all the way through the shop window.

I went inside and asked if i could touch her, and how much i would have to pay for her. 199 the man said, i was amazed. So i bought her. She's in bed with me right now, and she's never gonna leave me.

She is my new laptop.

She's so small, so tiny i can fit her into my very ladylike handbag, she's the size of a normal pocket book, and flat and lovely and shiny and and and... Gosh!

She is especially designed for traveling writers and journalists, everyone should have one. She's got wireless internet and 2 GB space, not much, but it's only meant for writing.

I don't need a man, i have her.

Scary, freaky lady!

I am dyeing my hair and eyebrows today, and nearly scared the living daylight out of the boys. I look like i am about to say 'I have come to this planet to destroy. Destroy. Destroy.' My eyebrows are BLACK and my hair looks like someone threw up in it and then tried to fix it again. The only reason i am writing so much about this, is because it is the only thing i can write about. The only thing i have to write about at all. But the day is young, and not every day can be an exciting adventure, right?

I wish...

Oh, I am reading a book about bizzare people throughout history, unexplainable persons. Like the Count of St. Germain, the immortal man.
And the real MIB, Men In Black. It's interesting, a book everyone should read. I bought it in Cardiff for only 3 pounds. Me luuuuv cheap books^^

I might go to The Alehouse tonight, it's thursday, band day!

Here's a picture of The Count.

The childrens book proposal.

I am talking with one of my old classmates now, and she wants to do a childrens book with me. It will have to wait until i am over and done with The Beast (current nickname).
I would absolutely love to do a book with her, she is an amazing illustrator. It's not clear yet, what the book will be about, but the working title is 'Det finnes ingen eventyr', translates into 'There's no such thing as fairytales.'

It's about imagination, magic and the power of stories. I like it, and i look forward to writing it, and i can't wait to see Veronica's illustrations!

Will write more later, right now i have to give it up to someone else.

Russian visit.

When i checked my emails this morning i had a message from a russian girl. She wants to see Stonehenge here in Wiltshire, and she want me to show it to her. I think that is a lovely idea, but i don't know if i have the time..
I am member of couchsurfing, a social network where you can get to know people from all over the world and visit them, stay with them for free. It's ingenious really, and nice to think that there still is enough trust in humankind out there for us to visit strangers we've met online in foreign countries^^

I have officially run out of excuses not to finish my book, what is wrong with me?? Why can't i just finish the bloody thing alright? It is finishd, kind of. But i still lack chapter titles, and i am reasearching for quotes and lyrics in the books and songs i like to put in the beginning of each chapter. And there's minor details (and some gigantic ones), that i want to add, delete and change. It's not gonna take me more then a day to do all this, not really... Buggeritall, today is that day!

I found a song on youtube, it's Amanda Palmer singing it, and Neil Gaiman who wrote it. It's about what people really do when they're home alone at night. It is called 'I google you'. Lol.


Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tBgzqlyzC4

It's still early, so i might write more later about my progress with The Ogre (my books petname changes daily)..

Back to the village.

Yesterday i went and took the train from Port Talbot to Cardiff, it was still raining. But i am born and bred in Norway, so didn't put me off in the slightest and i desided to take a walk around town.
I got lost of course, but that doesn't really matter. I mean, if you don't know where you're going then how can you be lost? Well, i can, but then i found Borders, a book/dvd/cd shop, and desided that this was were i was going all along, and that my sense of direction was brilliant. Denial, what a fine thing it is^^

So, i found Borders, walked up to browse the dvd section, and it felt like i'd walked up the stairway to heaven. On a shelf in the middle of the room i found all the films that has ever been made by Studio Ghibli, and that's something you don't see every day. You might not have heard of them, but have you ever seen 'Howl's moving castle?' Also a brilliant book by Diana Wynne Jones i might add Or 'Spirited away,' which in Norway has the title 'Chihiro og heksene.' Those two films are both Studio Ghibli, and directed by the formidable Hayao Miyazaki.
Check it out, seriously: http://www.onlineghibli.com/


And i also took the liberty of 'borrowing' a link from Neil Gaiman's blog, to a very funny news story: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/aug/08/usa
About a very strange, obsessed cheerleader..

Well, anyway i bought three films, it was all i could afford (i had to go hungry for the rest of the journey, but it was worth it). Yesterday i saw the first one, 'Tales from Earthsea,' and realised that i've actually read the book behind the film several years ago. Brilliant, because the film is a perfect adaption, the author couldn't have done a better job herself (her name is Ursula K. Le Guin, and she's verrry good).

A picture of prince Arren, the

main character in 'Earthsea'.

So here i am, back in Bulford, restless and in the i want adventure-and-campfire-feelings-it-is-summer-for-god's-sake mood, but i have to be patient, nothing happens this week.

That is, unless i make something happen... Nah, i've got to read through my book one more time, add chapter titles and fix Everything. The poor beta readers are waiting for me to email it to them, a feel guilty as a dog with his head in the bin, but i refuse to send out something that isn't readable. So if any of my readers read this, i do apologize.. I will send it to you, and it will be worth the wait. Promise.

From Wales with love!

This will be a very short post, i am currently sitting on a bed with a very old keyboard on my lap. It's raining outside, so going out tonight isn't exactly tempting.. But we might go to a pub. Might. It is seriously wet. Like a shower or a waterfall, or just a bucket being turned upside down over your head. And it's windy.

I got treated like a tourist on the train to Cardiff though, that was fun! I fell asleep and must have seemed very confused when the conductor woke me up, because when he gave me my change back, he held up a five pund note and said very clearly (but still very welsh): This is a five pound note.
Then he did the same with the rest of my change, it was sweet really^^ I think i might go out for a cigarette now, if that is possible without drowning.. I am just waiting for Alex to come back, he is playing taxi driver for his sister, so he's going to Swansea. Should be back soon though.

I'm not going to write much more today, but i'll give you a proper update when i get back to Wiltshire. And i'm still waiting for the photos my friend took, maybe she sent them today? Have to check my email.

I am also stealing all of Alex's music, feeding my ipod with new rythms (what a stupid thing to write). So if i stumble over something really cool, i'll be sure to mention it here.

Last thing before i go. I got my Dresden Dolls t shirt on friday, it's nice and cool and black and silver, i am wearing it now. Waiting for my Scary trousers t shirt now, i might be there already, i wouldn't know, i'm in Wales. And it's raining.