How to be a girl.

Some situations make me feel like i am a male transvestite trapped in a female body. If that makes sense? I went shopping with Ali today, and she went in to a beauty salon to get her eyebrows done. As i sat down on the pink chair and looked at the four, framed pictures in front of me showing different types of (very feminine) shoes, something occurred to me.
I really don't feel at home in places like this, but i really wish i did. Behind me were a girl and her beauty therapist (or whatever the title is) doing her nails, they were giggling and making girlie, polite smalltalk. Then one of the girls said 'Oh, i know exactly what we need!' And she turned on Abba's greatest hits.
They sang, all pretty nails and shiny hair and perfect eyebrows, and i just wanted to drink nail varnish and bang my head in the wall.
Why can't i be like them? I mean, i am a girl, i like to have nice nails and pretty dresses. I straighten my hair and wear make up and look at my bum in the mirror.. But only to some extent. I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable in a beauty salon or a spa, i just cannot seem to embrace the whole 'I'm every woman, it's all in meeeee'-concept...

I know I'm not the most feminine girl on the planet, but i am most certainly not a tomboy, am i?
I prefer hanging out with guys, mostly because they have a sense of humor and are easy to talk with, but i have girl friends as well. They're just other places, like Russia and Norway.. And i don't really feel the need for any more girl friends, they're so intense sometimes, and so easily upset and agitated.
Except for the few i have, and i thinks that's one of the reasons i have them^^


I went out yesterday to Amesbury. I met the same gang of boys as last time, with a few exceptions, but i decided to slightly ignore them. I'm not a bitch, i have my reasons.
Thing is, i didn't wanted to be in the way.. I know I'm gonna sound even more schizophrenic then usual when i write this, especially if you read my last blog entry, but here it goes: I kind of fancy one of them, and everyone kind of knows it and kind of makes fun. Kind of..
It's so childish, but it makes me embarrassed when they wink and say stuff like 'Sit next to Josh, i bet Josh wouldn't mind' etc.

Yeah, his name is Josh. He doesn't really talk much, maybe that's why i noticed him? I have this theory about people who don't say much. They're either to stupid to come up with anything interesting, or they think a lot instead of saying everything out loud. I hope (and think) he is in the last category.
Thing is, i don't think he fancy me much. At all. Either that or he's very shy. But yesterday they asked me to come in and sit with them, and i ended up having a really good time, some people are easy to have fun with.
He bought me a drink, so i hope i'm not completely left out in the cold, but it might have been sheer politeness. Bah, a girl can dream, can't she?

Tonight i have babysitting duty, so i'm missing the Amesbury beer festival. That sucks, cos i think it would have been fun, beer festivals are normally fun. They have beer.
So i'm stuck at home with three hormonal preteens and my oil paints. Which isn't too bad really, as long as i don't think about all the fun i'm possibly missing.

Christmas is slowly sneaking up on me, like a grandmother with yet another glass of milk for my bones, and i've already started to worry about gifts. I have two families now, and i want to give them all a gift. And friends. And so on. Where is the magic? Where is the black night under the old lamp post with the silent snow swirling around my face to give me the illusion of moving while standing still?

Why is it that all that was good about childhood was also the things we first forgot when we were busy growing up?

I used to talk to trees when i was a kid, have long conversations with them, and i was so sure they answered me.
Now i keep it to a minimum, i am just being polite. I apologize when i step on roots and sometimes i say hello, but i never ask them how it feels to die once a year anymore. I used to, years ago, but i can't remember the answer.

And i'm drinking caramel tea!

The return of the flabbergasted armadillo!

I don't know why i wrote that, it just felt...right. It's probably because my life is so uneventful at the moment, nothing worthy of a title have happened. Maybe a label, but not a title.
It's Friday today and i might go out. But seriously, what is the point? I won't meet any interesting people, that's for sure. Or is it? I might get lucky and meet someone cool? It's thoughts like that that keeps me from just staying in every Friday and Saturday. The tiny voice in my brain saying 'maybe this time.'

Someone once told me 'You think everyone is so boring and stupid, but take a look at yourself!' Or something like that, but she's just to stupid to get it. I'm not saying that I'm a better person then everyone i meet, saying that would just make me the stupidest person of them all.
But it would be so nice to meet someone i actually have something in common with, someone who know what I'm talking about.

Sigh, yes it is all very tragic blahblahblah.

Enough!

I miss my real friends, Julie, Kaspar, Lucas, Lisbeth... They're like family. A very wide spread one yes, but still. I miss them.

On a lighter note, my hair is shockingly red again, i like it. It looks like I'm bleeding from the head. But it won't last for long though, the dye washes out more and more every day.

Well, this is officially the most boring blog entry i have ever written, and to quote my good friend Akilesh in London 'Oh, i doapologize!'

Dun have a headline, dun care.

Ok, here's my schedule for upcoming events that i desperately want to attend:

1. Amanda Palmer (Dresden dolls), Ben Folds and more are playing Koko in Camden the 10th of October. Wanna go so badly, but have to check my financial situation..

2. A talk with Neil Gaiman, Piracy vs. Obscurity. 30th of Oct(i think) in London, but i have to go undercover as a Open Rights activist, and i don't know how to do that convincingly... No matter how much i support Open Rights, brilliant group!

3. Neil Gaiman reading and Q&A in London, book release of 'The graveyard book.' 30th of October.

4. Neil Gaiman signing in Blackwell, London. Very nervous about this one, i mean, i get to meet The Man!! 31st of October, Hallow's eve'n all, how cool is that, eh?

And last but not least, i'm invited to dear mothers wedding in the Gambia in February, i want to go. I mean, this is mother we are talking about here, her getting married at last is like me finding a suitable boyfriend here in Salisbury. A miracle!

I need a date for the wedding though, but i've kind of given up on the whole 'go out on a Friday in Salisbury and meet interesting people.' That would be equally high on the Unlikely Events List as proving the existence of the pink, invisible unicorn.

So, in other words, i am likely to go alone.

Who's line is it anyway?

Is a show I've been watching a lot lately, it's everywhere on Youtube. That's not why I've been watching it though, it's funny! And it reminds me of all the drama courses i took when i was younger, with all the silly games and improvisations.
Other then that my life's been uneventful. The 'person' i described here in the last post, the boring one, remember her? Well, she read it. So it all went according to plan, but I'm getting sick of passing hate mail through Facebook now, some people simply don't know when to stop, and very often the same people don't know any good insults either.
It's almost an insult to have an argument with someone so completely good-insults-impotent.

Well, enough of that, and now for something completely different: Scott Westerfeld, he writes Science fiction books you should read. Uglies, Pretties, Specials and Extras. It's a series, and it's about a world where beauty is everything, where everyone goes through extensive surgery when they turn sixteen, just to make them into a 'Pretty'. Before that they're 'Uglies' a.k.a normal people.

It is like the shallow young adults version of 1984 by George Orwell, but not in a bad way, the books are unputdownable.

Well, yapyapyap, i don't really have anything to say, I'm looking for translator work, but due to my lack of experience I'm not likely to get hired anytime soon. So how do people gain experience then? How silly, i mean we all have to start somewhere... Ah well, i'm going now. I'm gonna watch the first episode of 'Merlin' before i go to bed. It's a new series about Merlin, Pendragon, you know, King Arthur and that lot. Very good, and Merlin is verrry hot^^

Okay, enough, i bid ye farewell.

How to be bored in a gay club.

So i went to London on Saturday, right? And i was really looking forward to it since i haven't been there in a while. But it turned out to be the most boring London visit I've ever experienced in my life. I was sleepy during the entire stay, i stayed over with a nice but very Christian girl, not exactly what i was expecting.. Tried to go out with a friend, we went to Heaven. But I've very nearly given up on the friend, we have nothing to talk about. Ever. When we meet she asks me how i am up to five times just because there's nothing more interesting to say, and we have completely different interests. I feel about forty years older then her, and i am really starting to struggle when i have to come up with things to talk about with her. I feel like i am the entertainment and she is the audience, and not in a good way. I just wish that for once she could say something, ANYTHING interesting!

She is nice, so i don't really know how to tell her that i just don't see the point anymore. How do you break up with a friend??

We don't share a taste in music or films, i hardly think she reads at all, and i get a feeling that every time i mention something i like she's agreeing with me without having any idea whatsoever of what i am talking about.
There is no challenge when you speak to her, i never learn anything new. You should think she had lots of interesting stories, cos she's been traveling quite a lot, but she's never told me anything.

It's almost like hanging out with a zombie sometimes.

If she reads this she'll know it's her I'm referring to, but i just don't care anymore.

Second draft rambling and a Bristol update.

Let's start this beautifully wet and dreary morning with this gorgeous picture of Olaf eating, yeah? Sorry Olaf, i just had to.. This is the guy i stayed with in Bristol, he is nice, funny, german and an excellent animator!

The picture above is the monster on his wall. Yes, the man hs a monster on his wall, and when the drawing is finished the monster will crush a city. I think it's brilliant^^

I am well into my second draft of The Beast From Beyond now, i am of course talking about my book 'Leo's hemmelighet.' The feeling of the book is changing into something a bit darker and more realistic. It's still fantasy, but i want to write it in a way that will make you feel like it could happen to you, and that it's happening anyway, right around the corner and to someone else. I've been more specific when it comes to naming places and describing certain real life things. Like the first chapter in Oslo. It was a bit to 'out there', i am making it more real. Describing places i used to go, places you might find yourself in if you ever go to Oslo.
I was vaguely inspired by Neil Gaimans 'Neverwhere', the book that eventually made me move to London.
I remember sitting on the edge of a fountain reading it,i think it was somewhere in Central London, and the book described the exact place i was sitting, the protagonist was in fact sitting on the edge of the very same fountain as me. That made an impact, and it was enough to make 'Neverwhere' one of my all time favourite books. I want to make the same impact, i want people to go looking for the little shop Angelica works in.
But this is just me daydreaming, for all i know i'll never even get it published. I will though, eventually. The trick is not to give up, ever. I hope..

Kim Harrison is an author i would recommand for everyne who likes the horror/fairytale/humor genre. I read one of her books yesterday, Dead Witch Walking, and she is absolutely brilliant. It's unputdownable to the last page.

My current mission is finding someone who's willing to host me in London this upcoming weekend, if i can't do that won't get to meet Terry Pratchett. And that would be a shame, it really would.

My next mission after that, is to snoop around inside the publishing industry down here, to see if i have what it takes to become a translator. I hope i won't need to go back to college, i don't like college, it hurts my creativity and leisure time.

Dog needs walking, girl needs showering, stair needs a sweep, desperately. I shall return, hopefully.

Short post from Bristol.

I am couchsurfing in Bristol right now, staying in a really nice house with a German animator. Right now he´s downstairs making sausages, so i´m stealing his computer for a bit. Went for a walk in town today and ended up juggling on the street with some fundraisers i met, one of them was actually a couchsurfer too. So that was cool! Tonight we´re going out somewhere, hopefully somewhere not to far away. It´s raining.. I bought Good Omens in a charity shop, a battered old copy. It´s perfect, i´ll get it signed by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett soon mehopes! They are both coming to London in September and October respectively.

Ok, cheers. I´ll write more and post some pics from Bristol when i get home^^

But before that i´m going to Glastonbury...

Late update.

Hello, I'm back from Norway! I meant to blog while i was there, but never really got around to it. So here we are, it's nearly 2 am in the morning, and i am going to Bristol tomorrow, to meet a stranger, an illustrator to be exact. I'm staying at his couch for free so that i can explore the city and sit in nice coffee shops and write. How cool is that?
It almost makes me feel like a real author, not just a writer^^
I know i should have been in bed long ago, but I'm not tired yet. I think i'll just write a short summary of what has happened since the last time i blogged, it's always easier to arrange stuff in lists:

*Made a man fall in love with me after about ten minutes of conversation, although i think he was more in love with the idea of having a girlfriend. It could have been anyone, i was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm good with that....

*Went to Norway without my mom knowing, my brother had to sneak me in at midnight and the next day i hid in a big box on the living room floor. Jumped out in front of my mom. I'll never forget her facial expression, it was priceless.

*Bought two books about writing, on technical and one about the specific fantasy/sci-fi genre that i love to write and read. Interesting stuff, it was very inspiring.

*Got author feedback on one of my chapters on Skrivebua.no, i was very pleased with the comment, and even more pleased to discover that the only criticism i got was about a thypical mistake i realized myself a long time ago and changed. It's about writing feelings, and how it is always better to show then to tell.

*Watched to much CSI, see potential crime scenes and crazy people everywhere. You wouldn't have wanted to be in the same room as me after my x-files marathon last week, i am a very impressionable lady.

*Got woken up in the middle of the night two days ago, by someone screaming on the other side of the street. The police came and arrested one of my 'brothers' friends step father, but no one was hurt. I hate domestic violence.

Well, that was all the highlights i guess, unless... Well, i should really mention my best friend and i getting gloriously drunk in Norway, riding her bike home, crashing into stuff and stealing apples from a strangers garden. I woke up the next morning feeling like Odd Nerdrum slept in my mouth. My pockets were stuffed with apples. It was fun, a good way to say goodbye. She is moving to Russia soon, so i won't see her until next year. Sometimes it hurts to grow up.

Oh, and i also found out that my mom used to date the drummer in Disorder, a band. Haven't heard the music before, but I've seen people wear the shirt, so that's pretty cool. Apparently she was squatting with them in Bristol for a couple of days when she was eighteen.
Well, wadda ya know, i've got a cool mummy^^ But we already knew that.

I really gotta go now, have to get some sleep. I am no good without sleep, ciggies, coffee, books and my fancy writer hat. But then again, that is all i ask for to be happy. Well, that and hopefully enough money to buy all the stuff i don't really need.

I suspect that my brother might be gay by the way, that would have been sooo cool!