What did i do to deserve this??

It's official, i FUCKING HATE MYSELF!!!

I, stupid as i am, decided to save some money by not going to the Dresden Dolls concert, because i wanted to go and see Neil Gaiman instead. Well, guess what? Guess who was at the concert i deliberately missed yesterday?

Yeah, that's right, NEIL FRIKKIN' GAIMAN!!! He did the introduction and was a back up singer and tambourine player, and apparently the concert was brilliant, they played 'I google you'...

This is just one of those things that i am going to regret for the rest of my life.
I have to get away from this village life, it is slowly turning me into a narrow minded, boring person who actually worry about trivial things like economy and a smelly garden (long story).

I need to DO something with my life, this was really a wake up call, i have to stop saying no to things. In a twisted and bizarre way me missing out on the concert of a lifetime might have been a good thing. It made me realize how much i have been missing out on things. It makes me feel like I'm just wasting away here in my room with my bloody laptop with my bloody book (this is one of my 'i hate my writing' days)...

I need to move, and i need to move to a big city where stuff happens, where i can actually do exciting things and be a part of things that holds an interest to me, not just reading about it on another persons blog the next day.

I am really pissed off now. Really pissed off.

Lately it seems like i have been going through life just meeting the wrong people in the wrong places at the wrong time.

I think i need to take a long, calming walk to the graveyard and back. I need to listen to Ben Folds and come to terms with being left hanging on the outside looking in on everything exciting without being able to participate.

And today i really don't need a hug. I hate people today.

Goodbye cruel world.

Ps, look at this brilliant home video of Amanda in her underwear, serenading Neil and playing her ukulele:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcHqg_AXeqA